Nothing to do with chocolate

And it happens again.

I have had a pretty productive week so far, I have met quite a few new people, contacts and have given out a good amount of samples and business cards. Feeling great, until....

There were a few sites that I had discovered and wanted to take another look at regarding my business. I am checking out one of those mom blogger sites looking for an ad I previously saw, I scroll down and find something that catches my eye. Blog Hop. I am new to all of this blog stuff and never heard of blog hop, so I continued on with the intent to learn more. There were 445 sites listed, I randomly click on ONE to see what it's all about, it was called My Charming Kids. It didn't take long for the tears to come as I read about this little guy Stellan who was diagnosed before birth with heart failure. I tried to read more of the family's journey but my tears flooded my eyes so. I had to break for a moment to collect myself.


Returning I notice the bright orange bracelets they are selling with the proceeds benefiting String of Hope, again something I had never heard of so I clicked on it. As soon as I saw the photographs, I knew. I have seen many pictures like these, so beautiful but yet so sad. Although the tears came gushing again, I could not pull myself away from reading this woman's journey for it hit so close to home with me. She learned during her pregnancy that her baby was diagnosed with something fatal. She made the incredible decision to continue on with her pregnancy despite the odd's of delivering a healthy baby and the Dr's clinical opinions. With each sentence I read, the tears came increasingly hard to control for I knew EXACTLY what her journey has been.


It is getting a little bit hard now to write just thinking about it again. Wow, this is not at all how I thought my night would go or for that matter my life. You see, I too was told that my unborn daughter had a fatal condition, she had Trisomy 18 and she could die at any moment and more than likely would not make it to full term and IF she did she would not make it through delivery..AND IF she did there was a 95% chance she would not survive her first week and the other 5% would not see their first birthday. Without knowing the "law", I made the decision to carry my daughter as long as GOD would have me. I was so worried that the Dr's would try to talk me into terminating my pregnancy, I can't tell you how relieved I was that the "law" would not allow it at 24 - 25 weeks. The next 14 weeks of my life were probably beyond what most of you can even imagine.

I cried every day in the shower, praying that I would at least get to meet my little girl alive. Support, there really wasn't any. Most people acted as if we were contagious, they were few calls to see how we were doing. It was the most difficult time in my life, and the most lonely.

At 39 weeks I was induced, the nurse was a royal witch who asked 30 minutes after arriving at the hospital if I would like an autopsy done on the baby! Some people, I just don't know how the look at themselves in the mirror everyday. I was in labor for 19 hours and my daughter was born alive! We were blessed to share 19 hours before she passed. I am grateful for the chance to have met her, hold and kiss her and say my good bye's.

This November will be her 3rd birthday in Heaven. It is still so hard some days. No one talks about her, as if she never even existed. People are very strange when it comes to the death of a child. I think mainly because of fear and ignorance.


I know have a new addition to our family, a very healthy and active 18 month old boy. I am so blessed to have him, but despite what some think he is not a "cure" to losing my daughter. There is no cure for that. My daughter is sorely missed, she is kept close in my thoughts and is always in my heart.

I am thinking how I picked ONE blog out of 445 and here I am. I don't know or understand the reason to many things like why GOD gave me a beautiful little girl for only a few hours. I guess it all depends on how you look at it, I prayed that I would at least be given the chance to meet my daughter alive and I did. Why I found these sites tonight....maybe you have lost a child too, or know someone that has, maybe you are pregnant with a similar diagnosis's for your baby....I don't know, but I guess I was meant to learn more of these other families and their journey to pass along this information to someone, to help someone else.

My thoughts and prayers go out to Stellan and his family, he is an amazing beautiful little boy!
http://www.mycharmingkids.net/


To learn more about Trisomy 18, please visit: http://www.trisomy18.org/

If you are pregnant and your baby has been given a fatal diagnosis, please visit: http://stringofpearlsonline.org/

And if you have lost a child or know someone that has lost a child, please visit: http://rowantreefoundation.org/



I love you Shelby!